This past week or so I’ve done two things that I previously thought were impossible to do. Not impossible for everyone, of course, just impossible for me in my current situation.
After Easter I got into a training slump, and my endo acted up more than usual. Nothing abnormal in that, really, as it tends to do that when I’m stressed or worried, or both. And in this case I had my very first half-marathon on the 25th of April. Probably not a good idea to literally worry yourself so sick that you couldn’t actually do any training whatsoever in the three weeks leading up to the race, but at that point I had already talked myself down too much. I already believed it would be completely impossible to finish, and I felt constantly ill. That’s the downside to having an illness that worsens when you’re stressed – you can’t tell yourself that it’s just your imagination, because it isn’t.
Anyway, on Wednesday I had completely made up my mind not to participate. Aaand then I talked with a friend, and we talked about how I would get the T-shirt anyway, but it felt kind of like cheating to take the shirt and not run. End of story, I was at the starting line at 10.00 a.m. on Saturday the 25th of April, in the half marathon at Bergen City Marathon.
And I finished.
That utterly impossible thing wasn’t nearly as impossible as I had thought. Sure, it hurt, and sure, I walked quite a lot (particularly during the last third), and sure, it rained for the entire race, and sure, I felt more exhausted than I had been in ages, but you just can’t beat the feeling of doing something that you’ve been convinced was impossible. My time was 3.17.59, which I’m very pleased with, all things considered. My running buddy overachieved on her goal too (she ran in a bit more than two and a half hours and had aimed for less than three hours), so we’re both happy. I’ve already signed up for another half marathon in September – this time WITH proper preparation.
The second impossible thing was a showcase my dancing group had last Saturday, for Dance Day where all or most dance groups held small showcases around the city centre. I hadn’t even managed to get to dance class, so I was utterly unprepared except for the week after the half marathon. I wasn’t exactly confident, and had originally told them I wouldn’t be able to dance. But somehow they convinced me otherwise, and it ended up going okay. I messed up my steps here and there, but I don’t think a lot of people noticed. It was a beautiful and sunny day, but unfortunately quite a bit too windy for dancing in not very warm costumes. I’ve ended up sick now, but it was worth it. It was good to be on stage again, not to mention that it was good to know that I didn’t back down for once, but went through with it and did it.
Afterwards I’ve been making plans for the future: How to achieve my goals without sabotaging myself, and without getting caught in the same pitfalls as every time before. But that’s a topic for another post!